Turning the Page


Sometimes I feel as though I can step back from my life and see the story of my most recent years unfolding before me. The beginning so full of excitement and wonder, while the middle unravels with unpredictable turns, leaving the ending to wrap up my story. There’s just one problem. I am not at the end. Just treading water in the middle until my perfect ending decides to show up. Sounds tragic but it is actually quite beautiful. Perspective defines your middle.

In the middle I am learning how to respect myself and love myself more. It wasn’t until I went through some very challenging circumstance that I learned to love myself enough to fully respect myself. This meant deep reflection and setting boundaries for my life. Truly learning who I was, what I wanted and what I wasn’t going to allow into my life. A key part of that was men. The best advice I received after my divorce was to seek God for guidance in the kind of man he intended for me to have as a spouse and to make a list. So, I prayed and looked to his word for what a Godly husband should be and complied my very lengthy list. That list has allowed me to keep my heart focused on the Lord and kept me from searching for a spouse. Because of that list I could recognize immediately when God placed someone in my life. And not just anyone but someone that met every single request I had made known to God. That is something only a loving Father can orchestrate.

In this part of the middle, I am now having to learn how to let someone else love me. It sounds simple, but many times the damage others leave behind keep us from turning the page. We can be stuck on the same page, reading the same story over and over like this time we will be able to move past it and into our ending. But we take that broken middle into our beautiful ending and shattered it to bits. So, I am pausing right in the middle of my story and cautiously learning to let someone love me just as I am. I am loving myself and accepting every good thing God is trying to give me. There are many moments I feel underserving because I lived in that state for far too long. A state of always asking and needing from God to fix my mess and heal my heart. To use my brokenness for something beautiful. The brokenness has led to many beautiful things. One of them being acceptance. Accepting my circumstances just as they are and not rushing into my ending. Just resting in his peace and thanking him every day for all the unpredictable turns that have come along the way, because now I can stand at a straightway and smile. He never left me and he is turning the page.


Self-Love or Selfish

After leaving my very toxic relationship, I had to get to the real important stuff. ME!  What made me happy & laugh, and what didn’t! The more I did the RIGHT things, the stronger I got and it was contagious. Like the color was returning to my cheeks. Daily I was praying for healthy relationships in my life. Mostly others are the same path. Was there a community for me? I felt labeled as jaded (even if I wasn’t) because of my situations and longed for acceptance. I knew I had to let go of toxic people, but my life was surrounded by ONLY them and what friends would I have left.

For years, I was told I was worthless and after leaving now I was being called selfish. I recall fighting over whose work schedule was more important, and I was responsible for all things having to do with a sitter. Not to mention the “timed” visits with our daughter.

As I started to use my legs again and voice, I most certainly received the backlash and guilt tripping for wanting to build a life of my own again.

But I drew that line in the sand years ago and turned to Personal Development again. With each book the repeating expression of “Filling Ones Cup” came to a head. What did this mean? The unfortunate part about this is society (and my ex) is that we could be fooled into thinking that taking care of yourself first is selfish. Well I call Bull S*it on this one!

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The female has somehow programmed herself to put everyone before them. In my quest, not only did I discover the importance of putting yourself first is vital, its more beneficial for all she may love. I had found my community with a group of people that were making themselves a priority and I was ALL in. I will share the first things I learned during my soul searching.

7 easy ways to demonstrate Self-Love

1.      Fuel your body – Goodness when I was on the downward spiral, so was my eating & nutrition. Bad choices and bad FOOD were habits. That’s if I wasn’t starving myself. The first step to self-love is to fuel your body to WORK for you. And not against you. The better I eat, the better I feel & younger.

2.      Exercise for Life – This was a love/hate for me at first. Who really loves to work out anyway? But when I found this community and begin to exercise, they made me feel at home, they helped me stay accountable, and they introduced me (single hot-mess mom) to a program that I can do in my HOME. Of course, I loved them instantly, then I appreciated the convenience of it all, and I fell in LOVE with the results both internal and external. When you exercise you feel better and gain confidence. Period. Its self-love at its best performance!

3.      Meditate & Relaxation – Our mind is always is overload. Daily mediation if only 10 minutes a day; can make a huge impact on the longevity of yourself. Simple mediation will allow you to minimize worries & anxiety. Another step to self-love.

4.      Spend time with friends – Favorite. When is the last time you said yes to dinner & drinks? This one is a must. We never battle alone. Sharing daily struggles with friend will certainly help you sort out & solve some at home issues. A wonderful example of self-love.

5.      Treat yourself – It doesn’t have to be expensive, but if a fun-loving coffee mug speaks to you, then buy it, and do NOT feel bad. You don’t need a reason, permission, or the extra cash. Buy yourself something from time to time.

6.      Daily Affirmations – These gorgeous words are small and complimentary to YOU. But the impact is BIGGER than life for turning our attitude around. We can reprogram one-self and thought patters by saying, writing, and repeating personal affirmations over in our mirrors each day. Stare straight into your eyes, and remind yourself how important you are to YOU. Trust and believe in you and tell yourself how much YOU love yourself.

7.      Bless, Release & Forgive – At times we feel that those who have hurt us should suffer. However, I have discovered forgiving, has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with us. Holding onto hate, will only road block our dreams, goals, or growth for our future endeavors. Learn to forgive freely. Give yourself permission to let go. What is done is done. Lead with love and grow because of this.

This process has been extremely beneficial for my transformations. I have managed to lose over 62lbs. and 20 inches. I have rid all the toxic & negative relationships in my life. I have learned so much about me and that self-love has been a huge part of my single-mom journey. I follow these actions daily to improve my mental and physical health. I strongly encourage you to do the same and if you would like more information, please message me at the following.

~Tina Derbish 

Website:  www.tinaderbish.com