Halfway There

Starting another year. Resolutions not meet or even made this year. Already wishing the year was further along and yet time slowly passes. I bring myself back to the present as I find myself wishing away time, stopping my mind from drifting further along into future dreams or dilemmas. There in the future, is where my anxieties are heightened. Where fear sets in and takes my present, latching a hold of my joy and faith slowly diminishing in the confidence I once knew. All reminding me that it’s the middle, the “halfway there” point where I find myself, forcing myself rather to keep going. It’s at this point I feel the options; do I persevere or succumb. 

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I know the exhilaration well that comes with new endeavors and drives me forward. I remember times such as starting my career, buying my house, having a baby. All beautiful things, but can I just say none of those things fill like much fun right now. I feel like I am in the middle of life looking down both directions thinking I remember how I got here, but when do I get to be “there.” That place where I don’t feel so stuck in my present or dreaming about the future. I love every day, and I am beyond grateful for every single thing the Lord has brought me through. But man, this girl is tired. And it’s now, more than ever I feel the Lord reminding me, “You are half way there, just push a little further.” So I keep pushing, pulling myself back into the present. Casting fear aside because his hand is reaching for me if I just keep pushing towards what He set before me. Time might be moving slowly, but praise the Lord it is moving, and movement means I am closer to Him than I was yesterday. So I persevere. And it’s there in the middle I find that halfway is my “There.” It’s not about what’s to come, it’s what is right before me. 

Writing this entry, the image that is engrained in my mind is of Peter in Matthew 14:29, when Jesus calls Peter to walk on water to him. Peter got out of the boat with no fear and began walking towards Jesus, but in the middle fear set in and he began to sink as he called out “Lord, save me!” and “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.” Jesus was right before Peter if he could have seen Jesus for who He was. 

I feel like Peter, having the Son of God before me as a life preserver and I am crying out “Lord, save me!” Jesus knew before he ever called Peter onto the water that Peter would doubt, yet he called him anyway. The Lord is not surprised by my calls for help, He delights as a father would when He is needed. He knows my place, my halfway point and he delights when I embrace that if He is here, I have already arrived. He is reaching for me at every point. Past, present and future. My halfway is my  “There.” 


Accountability 2017

A new year for new beginnings. Now is the time I set into motion my New Year’s resolutions. 2017 will be my year. I will lose weight, change my style, finish school, make new friends, and form healthy relationships. I will begin a career, and buy that house! I will be more relaxed and flowy, and be the mom my kids can relate to.

Or, I will wash this bag of chunky chocolate chip cookies down with a six-pack of apple ale, and cry myself to sleep because I’m too tired and unmotivated to do any of those things--not now, not ever.

My life is overrun with caring for others. Between my full-time job as a caregiver (where I am obligated to focus my attention solely on my clients’ needs) and surviving the war zone that has become my home life (two teenagers, two preteens, and one temperamental toddler), where do I find time to focus on me? Who takes care of me?

According to my doctor, nobody does, as I now know I have metabolic syndrome, and I’m pre-diabetic. My body is becoming insulin resistant, and in turn, stores everything I eat as fat in my gut which has caused liver disease. The treatment: a drastic change in diet and regular exercise.

You mean, I have to find time to exercise outside of my job, cleaning house, doing laundry,  running my kids all over town, mediating squabbles until bedtime, and the inability to sit down for 5 minutes without hearing “MOM!” being screamed from all corners of the house?

How do we as single moms, find time to take care of ourselves as well as our kids?

A good place to start is to put down that bag of chunky chocolate chip cookies, wipe the crumbs off your face, and ask yourself, “Who will take care of them when I’m gone?”

We become so busy with just getting through our daily routines that we forget our bodies have a shelf life. We don't know how much time we have, and as single moms, especially, in order to fulfill our duties to our children we need to be diligent in taking care of ourselves first (that concept has always sounded backwards, but given my current situation it makes sense).

I don't feel I’m in a place to give health advice, as I am an overweight, 35-year-old pre-diabetic who would just assume dive bomb a Chinese food buffet rather than drink a kale smoothie for lunch, but I think the first step here is to find an accountability partner. That may be a relative or a friend (another single mom) who will hold me accountable for taking care of me.

“Hey, friend, I don't think piling away quarter pounders is the best plan of action given your current condition.”

“Why, thank you, friend. You’re probably right.”

That's how that works.

2017. Find your accountability partner. Form a blood oath. Make a commitment…whatever it takes.

I am currently accepting applications for an accountability partner. This is not for the squeamish. It could get ugly. Someone will cry (most likely me). Only the serious need to apply.

I also have a membership to Planet Fitness, and I can take a friend anytime I want.

Heather Voyles