Learning to Let Go


Letting go is such a simple idea. Words we throw out to others like we somehow have it mastered. Advice we have received ourselves countless times, but once again find a stumbling block. A memory, familiar face, remorse or loneliness. Any will do. They all lead to the same end, “Why can’t I let this go?” We all have our struggles but how we learn to embrace them and move forward tells a greater story than how they began. When God becomes the author of our lives He writes a new ending. A victorious one made from new beginnings. 

I have been a Christian most of my life, but have been on a continuous journey learning how to let go and fully surrender all areas of my heart. He loves me enough to know when to pull me close and when to let me struggle.  The struggles are my breaking points. The moments I call out to him in complete desperation “Lord, please take this burden from me once again!” He tenderly shows his love and reminds me “I have already taken this for you”. How stubborn of me to keep fighting a battle that has already been won. It is a humbling reminder that I am weak, but He is strong. What I am learning to understand is that although the battle has been won, there are other powers at be that want me fighting a shadow. Present in my situation yet distracted from my purpose. Keeping me from fully walking into the fullness in store for me. Keeping my heart in conflict. A conflict that creates condemnation, and misleads my heart. 

God’s design for us is that we are continually changing and becoming more like Christ. Present is all areas of our lives, fully acknowledging the covering of His grace. The moment we accept Him into your heart, He lets it all go for us. There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Unfortunately, how many of us have never understood how to fully accept His complete gift grace and atonement of our sins. We shame ourselves and hide in the shadows instead of embracing the imperfections that He sees as perfection. He sees us with the righteousness of Christ even in all our inadequacies. The God of the universe says we are completely forgiven of past, present and future sins, yet we can’t forgive ourselves of our own shortcomings! It is time to let go. Let His grace lead us, free us of condemnation to a better ending. One that exemplifies His goodness and ability to turn our hurts into beautiful creations. We might see our struggles as weaknesses, but He see them as new beginnings. Opportunities for reflections of Him to be interwoven into our stories. 

The hurts I hold onto are not because God isn’t capable of healing them. They have already been healed. He has already taken them. But my time on this earth it’s finished and until it is, I still have a battle to fight with the shadows. I might have to ask him countless more times for his help in letting go, but I know the ending. He is victorious and sees me far better than I will ever see myself. Let us all learn to let go and forgive ourselves of what has already been forgiven. I know He is teaching me one new beginning at a time.  


Self-Love or Selfish

After leaving my very toxic relationship, I had to get to the real important stuff. ME!  What made me happy & laugh, and what didn’t! The more I did the RIGHT things, the stronger I got and it was contagious. Like the color was returning to my cheeks. Daily I was praying for healthy relationships in my life. Mostly others are the same path. Was there a community for me? I felt labeled as jaded (even if I wasn’t) because of my situations and longed for acceptance. I knew I had to let go of toxic people, but my life was surrounded by ONLY them and what friends would I have left.

For years, I was told I was worthless and after leaving now I was being called selfish. I recall fighting over whose work schedule was more important, and I was responsible for all things having to do with a sitter. Not to mention the “timed” visits with our daughter.

As I started to use my legs again and voice, I most certainly received the backlash and guilt tripping for wanting to build a life of my own again.

But I drew that line in the sand years ago and turned to Personal Development again. With each book the repeating expression of “Filling Ones Cup” came to a head. What did this mean? The unfortunate part about this is society (and my ex) is that we could be fooled into thinking that taking care of yourself first is selfish. Well I call Bull S*it on this one!

Never. Give. Up.png

The female has somehow programmed herself to put everyone before them. In my quest, not only did I discover the importance of putting yourself first is vital, its more beneficial for all she may love. I had found my community with a group of people that were making themselves a priority and I was ALL in. I will share the first things I learned during my soul searching.

7 easy ways to demonstrate Self-Love

1.      Fuel your body – Goodness when I was on the downward spiral, so was my eating & nutrition. Bad choices and bad FOOD were habits. That’s if I wasn’t starving myself. The first step to self-love is to fuel your body to WORK for you. And not against you. The better I eat, the better I feel & younger.

2.      Exercise for Life – This was a love/hate for me at first. Who really loves to work out anyway? But when I found this community and begin to exercise, they made me feel at home, they helped me stay accountable, and they introduced me (single hot-mess mom) to a program that I can do in my HOME. Of course, I loved them instantly, then I appreciated the convenience of it all, and I fell in LOVE with the results both internal and external. When you exercise you feel better and gain confidence. Period. Its self-love at its best performance!

3.      Meditate & Relaxation – Our mind is always is overload. Daily mediation if only 10 minutes a day; can make a huge impact on the longevity of yourself. Simple mediation will allow you to minimize worries & anxiety. Another step to self-love.

4.      Spend time with friends – Favorite. When is the last time you said yes to dinner & drinks? This one is a must. We never battle alone. Sharing daily struggles with friend will certainly help you sort out & solve some at home issues. A wonderful example of self-love.

5.      Treat yourself – It doesn’t have to be expensive, but if a fun-loving coffee mug speaks to you, then buy it, and do NOT feel bad. You don’t need a reason, permission, or the extra cash. Buy yourself something from time to time.

6.      Daily Affirmations – These gorgeous words are small and complimentary to YOU. But the impact is BIGGER than life for turning our attitude around. We can reprogram one-self and thought patters by saying, writing, and repeating personal affirmations over in our mirrors each day. Stare straight into your eyes, and remind yourself how important you are to YOU. Trust and believe in you and tell yourself how much YOU love yourself.

7.      Bless, Release & Forgive – At times we feel that those who have hurt us should suffer. However, I have discovered forgiving, has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with us. Holding onto hate, will only road block our dreams, goals, or growth for our future endeavors. Learn to forgive freely. Give yourself permission to let go. What is done is done. Lead with love and grow because of this.

This process has been extremely beneficial for my transformations. I have managed to lose over 62lbs. and 20 inches. I have rid all the toxic & negative relationships in my life. I have learned so much about me and that self-love has been a huge part of my single-mom journey. I follow these actions daily to improve my mental and physical health. I strongly encourage you to do the same and if you would like more information, please message me at the following.

~Tina Derbish 

Website:  www.tinaderbish.com