Saturdays

I am three months into a new year and I have no idea what happened to the last two months. When I really start reflecting on the amount of time I have been alive, I also begin to wonder what happen to so many years of my life. It has always been surprising to me how long 5 minutes was as a child and now it feels like a second as an adult. I remember how I kept wishing I could be an adult and to do whatever I wanted. I quickly found out that is not really what being an adult is all about. LOL.

I have found many times as an adult I have been in many situations where I was still being told what to do. In my work environment, various friends, and many romantics interests over time. There were so many things I didn’t want to do and did any way.  In fact, I was just having a conversation about bath time with my kiddo. I walked to the bathroom to check on her and she stood there crying. It was late and been a long week already. "Why I are you upset?" I said. She just looked at me with those alligator tears and wouldn't speak. "What is wrong hon? It is okay to tell me." I said. "I don't want to take a bath." She said as she cried more. I knew a lot of it was the exhaustion talking.  The conversation ended with the talk about sometimes we do things we don't want to do because we are supposed to. It broke my heart thinking about all things we do for "our own good" or at least convince ourselves and children of it. I wanted to know who is the this "they" that make us do all of these silly things.  I think the one thing I hated the most is getting out of bed. I think beds are comfortable and some days you should be allowed to stay in them all day (not because of sickness). 

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There was one day back when I was twenty something long before I had anything really going on in my life and I decided to take a Saturday to do whatever I wanted. When that Saturday came, I promptly shut off my flip phone and laid around staring at the ceiling for a while lost in the quietness of my thoughts. I took a bath that day and went on a long walk around my neighborhood. I read a book. I blasted my radio and sang at the top of my lungs. I think about this Saturday like most would reminisce about a first love. I believe this non-extravagant day sticks out in my head so clearly because it was the first day I began to start my life over.

I began to realize, after that Saturday was over, I really did have a choice about how my life ended up. I did not have to listen to the people screaming their agendas around me. Sadly, it was the first day I realized I had a voice in my future, and a voice of how I would continue to live my life. Until this random and purposed Saturday, I thought I wasn’t good enough, and I was unworthy of the life I had. I thought I deserved every bad thing that had happened to me and nothing good should happen to me. I was wrong.

I began to see when I really listened to myself that I was not happy or proud of where my life was going. I decided I was going to change things. I was going to start reading affirmations everyday to help me be more positive. I started saying no to events I didn't want to go to. If I am honest I have had many "Saturdays" only now they are more condensed post kids. I literally changed the course of my life. I found God again and repaired years of abuse. I finally got to have a good relationship with my family. I continue to fight for the future I want everyday by taking steps to ensure my success. 

My point is .....

Am I in a healthy relationship with this person?

Am I headed into a job I love?

How can I encourage my kids more?

Is this friend encouraging me or draining me?

Now.. What are you going to do about it? 

Give yourself some time to really ask yourself the hard questions, if you find yourself in a life you are not proud of. Then, give yourself permission to start over. Let me be clear, I am not saying quit your job and move out of state. I am saying ask yourself the hard questions and answer them honestly. It will then give you an idea of the next steps to take. 

It might be you end the relationship with the guy who has you crying all the time. It might mean you take a night class in something you love so you can quit the job one day. It might mean you take 5 minutes to really talk with your kids (TV off and no phone in hand). It might mean you meet some new friends. 

Be courageous and take a Saturday. 

~Esme

http://vestigespirit.com/