Letting Go...

It’s been three years since my ex-husband left. The amount of pain I went through was indescribable, yet I’m sure so many of you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Three years and I can still remember the exact moment of seeing him grab his suitcase to pack some clothes up. I knew once he walked out that door, even if he said it was for a much needed break, he would never be back.

I was broken, so so broken! I can remember people telling me time will heal. I wanted to punch them in the face. They had no clue what I was feeling. After 17 years of being with your best friend, how do you just one day stop loving them?

I started that journey, three years ago. No, it was not by my choice. I never would have wished it for my beautiful girls, for myself or my ex-husband and our immediate family/friends. Divorce is one of the toughest things for two people to ever go through. But I started my process in healing…and letting go.

I can’t say the process was easy…or quick! Or that I’m finished, actually. It’s an on-going process. Healing. Forgiving. Letting go.

Our littlest daughter had her kindergarten program last week. And we were all there…for her. We were there, my parents and his parents all sitting together. Almost like old times. Almost. Time has separated us, growing older has separated us, divorce has separated us. But we came together for our little girl. And it was nice.

After we left the school, my ex-husband was going to take the girls to get ice cream…and he asked my parents and I to come along. At first I didn’t quite know what to say. Ever since the divorce was final, we have done things separate with the girls. Birthday parties, holidays, etc. But something inside me said, this is an important step, do it. And so I did.

We all squeezed into the small booth at the local ice cream shop. My girls, my parents and my ex-husband and I. As I sat directly across from him, I thought…wow, this is what people were talking about. Time (along with a lot of prayer) does heal. I can honestly say that I would not have been able to eat ice cream with my ex last year or even 6 months ago.

All I know is that my girls sure loved seeing their dad and I be able to come together for a special event for them. My oldest daughter even commented later  how she noticed her dad and I getting along better and she was proud of me {{melt heart}}.

Something happened at the beginning of this year that I can’t quite explain, I decided I needed to let a lot of the pain and hurt that I had been carrying around, I had to let it go. There had been times before where I wanted to let it all go but I wasn’t able to. Something had to change inside of me, and when it did, it felt like I was finally free. I actually let God do what he says he will do with us when we come to him and drop it all at His feet. He will take our burdens, our worries…He carries that for us! Psalm 55:22

I’m not saying that we won’t have disagreements ever again or that our communication is at the level that it may need to be to co-parent most effectively. I’m definitely a realist in that regard.

But I do believe, over ice cream that night, it was loud and clear that we have both learned to let things go. And I like how that feels…