Heads or Tails

This adulting thing ain’t easy. As single moms, the choice lies in us, and us only, to make. No coin can direct us which road to choose..png

The coin is up in the air, twisting and turning as it falls to the ground. Everyone leans forward to see how it’s going to land. Heads or tails? Which team will go first? One team moans and another cheer! Time to start the game.

There’s been plenty of times that life as a single mom feels like we’re just flipping a coin to see which direction to go. What decision to make. Which school to put our kids into. What job to apply for. We’d like to just flip the coin and do whatever it tells us to do.

But, we are adults here. And flipping a coin isn’t an option.

So, we get out a piece of paper. Label one side “Pros” and the other side “Cons.”

Or we brainstorm and fill a paper with circles full of options.

How about the days we call six of our closest friends and get six different options?

Kind of makes you want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers.  This adulting thing ain’t easy. As single moms, the choice lies in us, and us only, to make. No coin can direct us which road to choose.

After my divorce, I thought of leaving my church and finding another one. Seriously! It seemed so much easier to run from all the memories and all the questions. After all, we were Sunday School teachers to 9th and 10th graders. And, I had to look at those parents and just shrug my shoulders.

“Yes, we are getting a divorce.”

“No, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Many Sundays, I felt like hiding under a pew. It seemed that life would be easier if I left my church. The church I grew up in. The church that supported me. Just so I wouldn’t have to let the people I loved see my tears. Flipping a coin seemed easy. My pros and cons list were equal. My circles had circles! And, everyone had an opinion. My friends. My kids. All of it.

There’s just one problem. I wasn’t praying about it. I wasn’t seeking God. I was tied up in my own disappointment and hurt. I wanted everyone’s opinion except for the One who actually mattered. I couldn’t focus. It was like being at the eye doctor. “Option 1 or option 2?”

Right before I made the crucial choice to leave it all behind, I remembered to pray. Something I should’ve done the month before. I asked God. I showed him my lists. Then, I got quiet. And I took some deep breaths. In the quietness, I got my answer. The peace deep down inside, was the answer. I was to stay and not go. A month after this, a friend literally dragged me into the singles Sunday School class. And, it was exactly where I needed to be. It was where the healing was. The place I learned to laugh again. Friendships formed that surrounded me when I needed it.

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23

There’s nothing wrong with the lists and circles and the coin flips and asking opinions. But, there is a disservice to our Father when we try to make the choices without Him. He loves us and delights in every detail of our lives. He wants to lead us. He knows the best path to take! Before you do anything, ask Him for direction. Follow that peace deep down inside. Do things in the right order.

For single moms, our paths may be different. I know some who chose to start over at a different church or move to a different town. I know some who stayed put. Some have regretted it. But, those who followed by faith, were more at peace then the one’s who chose to follow the coins. Because even if they stumbled or got off track a little, they were holding hands with a Father who wants only the best for them and would lead them gently back onto the road they needed.

Gwendolyn Irene