Filling the Gap

I recently heard a message that encouraged listeners to think about the bravest prayer they could pray. As I thought hard I was humbled as I realized how little I step out into brave prayers. Maybe it’s the fear God won’t answer, or we feel our needs are met or maybe we won’t like the answer. After being encouraged by a recent Facebook post a girl shared how as singles we should pray for God to fill the void of a spouse in our hearts with himself, this caused me to think about my bravest prayer.

I often pray that God would send that person into my life that would one day be my spouse, not because I need someone to make me happy or help take care of me. God is my fulfillment and is doing a wonderful job taking care of me all on his own. I am actually quite happy being single, but rather that I might be able to have a partner to do life with. So, with that I developed my bravest prayer “Lord, I am not asking to you send me a person any longer, but rather you would completely fill the gap of that person not being in my life in every way.” My plan for God was that he would take away every desire and thought and leave me with perfect peace. Notice the “my plan” statement and how foolish that must sound to God. Praying prayers with my own small intentions to an infinite God.

This prayer only brought frustration for me, as I struggled with my own human nature. I cried out to God asking him why he wouldn’t just take away the desire, like he did for this other girl! In my plea for an answer, I was shook by the very reason I was afraid to pray my bravest prayer. I didn’t like the answer. I knew in that moment for me it would be different, the gap wouldn’t be filled like I hoped. He wouldn’t take away the desire for a partner and every thought of one until that person arrived.  For me he would leave the void, causing me to continually go to him as my source. God is a good Father and a loving God, but he is jealous for time with us. I was asking him to take away something that was allowing him to comfort me, love me and protect me through the process.

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So many times, throughout my life I have asked him to take away the hard things, heal my brokenness and fill the void. But as my awareness of God grows, so does my awareness of my own inadequacies. These moments have all brought me closer to him. Every emotion of pain has strengthened our relationship, closing the gaps in my life. I envision myself standing with my own brokenness and faults before a loving God, as his Son fills the gap between us. All perfectly united and because the gap is filled He accepts me and calls me sanctified.

My bravest prayer might seem insignificant and there are times I wished I lived a more fascinating life so my prayers could be bolder, but this is the season I am in. My prayer wasn’t answered how I hoped. But I received something better. A message straight from the Father that he values his time with me. He loves when I come to him for help. He is my partner and provider. He is The Gap. So, don’t be afraid to pray your bravest prayer. He loves you more than you could ever know. And even his no’s are beautifully crafted to bring us closer to him.  

Daisy