When I get ready to write every blog post, I ask the Lord to prepare my heart and give me a theme for what he has been doing in my life for that season. Some come easily, and some are a deafening silence. It has been a while since my last post, so going into this one, I just knew there must be some many things I could write about. So many spiritual seasons I must have gone through during this span of time. How disheartening it was to realize that in almost a five-month span the only thing that came to mind was “breaking point.” One season that keeps going. It wasn’t until I realized what this truly meant that I was able to embrace the length of the season.
This season has allowed me to face the emotional traps which often leave me feeling stuck and instead embrace the emotional chaos. Favor with frustration, healing with sickness, love with heartache, abundance with a shortage, strength with weakness, blessing with fear, and thankfulness with disappointment. I am learning these emotions don’t make me weak, a bad mom or less of a Christian. They make me human and one with a living, beating heart and soul. In this season I have realized how numb I had become. The emotional damage buried far beneath, which allowed me to shut it all off was healing and teaching me my desperation for a Savior. The number of times I have cried out to God in the last few months, “This is too hard,” “I can’t do this anymore,” “Why do I feel like this?” is too many to count. This season pushed me far beyond my comfort zone. But when I came to the end of myself, I felt free.
Free to feel. Free from the idea that I have to keep it all together. Free from my need to control my emotions. Free from boxing up my feelings because others tell me I should feel a certain way. Free to bring every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. As I learn more deeply about the love of God, I learn the trap of the enemy isn’t in the feeling, it’s staying in the feeling. Living in the shortage, disappointment, fear, frustration, and heartache without offering them up to Lord for renewal. How much time was wasted feeling upset because I felt a particular emotion? In the breaking point, I am free to feel, but my emotions don’t rule me. I am most certainly weak on my own, but it is refreshing to feel again. To allow God to awaken whatever emotions need to be brought captive, every time they need to be renewed, one hundred times a day. When I feel an emotion taking over I recognize it, call it out and proclaim that it does not control me, this emotion does not define me, and I will not allow it to take any more of my peace. I might have to do that over and over, but every time my emotions lose their power over me. I still have so much to learn, but I pray my breaking point speaks life into yours and allows you to claim victory over every emotion that keeps you from walking in peace, love, and freedom. Don't let your breaking point define you, take it captive and offer it to be renewed moment by moment.