Shackled

I haven't thought of you in a while. I mean in passing but not like REALLY thought about you. I have moved on with my life although I have had many struggles, and continue to do so. 

I kept the letter you sent me a month after you were sent to prison. I opened it for the first time tonight in over a year. At first, I was shaking and could hear your voice speaking what I was reading. As if you were standing right behind me. 

You said you were sorry. Sorry for all the lies and doing this to us. That you would be out soon and we would put this all behind us. I could remember the feeling of wanting us back together and this was all a mistake.

In a split second the letter changed. You started telling me how much you craved me and what you longed to do to me once we could be together again. What I thought was romantic back then actually repulses me now. Your narcissistic demeanor showed through that letter loud and clear. It disgusted me. You disgust me. 

I let you into my life, my home, my world. I was a caring and naive woman who wanted to be loved and longed for again. You told me everything I wanted to hear...and more. 

You treated me like "your queen". But here's the problem. You are no king. 

You stole a piece of me that I won't ever get back...and that I won't be able to ever give to the REAL person who will love me.

You're still in prison. And in some regard I've been there too. My heart shackled, wanting to break free from all the emotional pain you have caused me. 

I think after reading your letter the shackles are finally falling. My heart is broken, but the pieces are gradually mending themselves back together. 

And in true queen fashion, I will adjust my crown and one day...either sooner or later, my real king will make sure that it never falls again.

JLR