Dating and the Single Mom…well at least THIS single mom

I’m going to let you in on a little secret…I thought dating “might” be kinda fun. I mean, I never got the chance to date in high school or college. I had been with my ex-husband since I was 15 years old. So when I started this journey I told myself “Janelle, you won’t be single long!” Enjoy it while you can. Boy, was I wrong…on both accounts!

Our divorce took right at a year from when he walked out until I got the papers. Within that year, I had no desire to date…at all. I was so broken that I barely could manage to take care of myself and my daughters let alone think of someone else. I couldn’t imagine even “being” with another man. It made my stomach all weird and stuff. Towards the end of the divorce being final though things started to change…I started to change.

I’m sure if you’ve been in my kind of situation, at some point you start wanting to be longed for again. Wanted. You want someone else to tell you that you are beautiful and that you’re husband was crazy for leaving. You want a man to tell you that you are worthy. Loved. So I do what any other Christian woman would do and I picked a guy up in a club! HA! No serious…I really did. {{sigh}}

I will leave out the gritty details (maybe later on I can share more specifically about that certain relationship), but I must say looking back now I can tell you even after a year I was not in any place to be dating. I quickly realized that picking up guys in clubs or bars was not the way to go. So I thought, let’s do online dating. That will be fun. Uh…oh my! I could write a book on my online dating experiences over the period of about 3 months. It was awful. I spiraled into this web of disastrous dating, as I called it. Bad choices…wrong men…bad men…wrong choices.

If you have ever done the online dating thing, you realize that it sucks you in very quickly. No matter what site you’re on, you’re constantly checking to see if someone “winked” at you, or liked your profile or wrote you back. It takes over your every thought. It makes you crazy. Why didn’t they write me back? Am I not pretty enough? Was my profile not funny enough? If you deal with insecurity at all, then please don’t do the online dating thing. It will wreak havoc on you.

I ended up having a short relationship with one man through that time. But it was a long distance relationship and with other issues it just didn’t work out. So basically, two relationships in the past three years. Two, very short, relationships in the past three years. That’s not exactly what I had in mind when I thought to myself “Janelle, you won’t be single long”.

I thought I was READY for a commitment. I AM ready for a commitment. At least in my eyes. I thought I had met the RIGHT person. Unfortunately, the CIRCUMSTANCES were never right. From the get go, they have never been right. Even after a year of us going in different directions and growing and living…the CIRCUMSTANCES aren’t right even today. I’ve wished for so long. I’ve chased. Only to fall short every single time.

One of my favorite quotes is “Focus all of your energy on being great, you don’t need to chase anything…when you’re great enough, everything you could possibly want will chase you.” And you know, friends tell me that the right guy, in the right circumstances and the right timing, he will DO ANYTHING to be with me. I’m kind of a catch I guess…so they say! 

Do I get frustrated…YES! Why are the guys not knocking my door down trying to woo me? Why is it that none of my friends seem to have anyone “suitable” enough to set me up with? Why is it that I have met several really good guys and it just never clicked with them? I wish I could answer those questions.

Do I worry that I will be single forever…yes some days. Do I enjoy being single…yes some days. I have come a long way from the nights that I had to make sure I had plans so I wouldn’t be sitting at home alone when the girls were gone. Now, I am getting used to enjoying my freedom more. I make plans because I like getting out and being social, not because I’m terrified of being alone.

But I must say, I feel like I was made to be in a relationship. I have too much love to give someone. The hardest part is the waiting…for me I won’t date just to date. I know for some of you, you don’t mind that. For some of you, you may not even realize that’s what you’re doing. I’m letting God groom me into the person that I need to be while I’m in my single season.  Lord knows how long that’s going to take though…He definitely has his work cut out for Him! 

Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.”

John Ortberg. 

Don’t you love that?

In a few weeks, I will be starting a new study in our SingleMomzRock group on “Lady In Waiting-Becoming God’s Best While Waiting on Mr. Right” by Jackie Kendall. I’m so excited to see what God will show me, about myself and what God needs me to be before I can be ready for that love story that I would still like to have one day. I must say, I’m up for the challenge…so stay tuned!