I'm Too Much

I have been told this so many times in my seven years of dating. Have you heard this yourself? 

I'm too needy. 

I'm too passionate. 

I'm too intense. 

I'm too sassy. 

I'm too picky. 

I'm too much of a pain in the ass.

I'm too independent. 

I'm too confident. 

Im too emotional. 

I'm too insecure. 

I'm just too much.

When I first started dating, this would hurt my heart to hear. You don't want to be called "too much" of anything, you want to be just right. Just right for that person you're seeing. You want to mesh. Being called too much means that I need to fix something, because something must be wrong with me right? 

So after while you start to believe it. You start making sure that you're not too much. You don't touch a person even though you really want to. You don't reach out to them when you want to hear from them. You make sure that you don't say what you feel you should say. You put a lid on it, in other words. You basically are keeping your true self from that person because you don't want to be "too much". And you start shriveling up inside because of it. 

Over time it started making me angry. I see it as a cop-out for most men that have used these lines against me. You see, because they thought I was too much for them but they would not step up to be the person they needed to be for me or themselves. And that intimidated them. They didn't want to be challenged; in their faith, their day to day lives or their minds. They wanted simple. They wanted easy. They wanted what I am not. 

Now, looking back, I am so thankful they chose not to step up. That I was too much for them. They couldn't have really handled all that I am anyways. ;) As one of my favorite InstaPoets, R.H. Sin said, "You'll be too much woman for every man until you meet your soulmate."

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Because MY PERSON you see...my person, the one who gets me in the end he will not think I am too much. He will think I am perfect and love every inch of my sass, every flaw, every detail of my past that has made me who I am today. He will try to understand why I am who I am. The walls that I have put up to protect myself and gently, piece by piece, try to bring it down. He won't throw those things in my face and try to make me feel bad about them. No, he is not selfish like that. 

So ladies, if a guy tries to tell you that you are too much, remind him this...hell yes you are too much! And you're going to keep being too much for him!! Because if he thinks you're too much now, what's he gonna think of you when life gets dirty and you get in the trenches? How's he going to be able to handle you if he can't even respect you? 

Let them boys go who make you feel bad for being too much of YOU!!! That way you will open yourself up for the one that will love ALL of you. 

-JLR

Meet Our Team: Director of Public Relations

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Hello Everyone! For the next few weeks I will be introducing everyone to our Leadership Team. These women are important to the success of SingleMomzRock. Please give them a warm welcome.  The first to be introduced is Sarah Buxton the Director of Public Relations. 

Sarah Buxton, a native of Strafford, Mo., graduated from Ozarks Technical Community College in May of 2017 with her Associate of Arts degree and is currently a junior at Drury University, where she will obtain her degree in Strategic Communication. Sarah is particularly passionate about political and nonprofit work, and plans to pursue a career in either field upon graduation.

Sarah was engaged in a variety of campus and community activities throughout her time at OTC. She created and chaired a politically affiliated campus organization and served as a math tutor in the OTC Speckman Tutoring and Learning Center. More recently, Sarah was recognized for her community service and civic engagement by being named a 2017 Newman Civic Fellow. Sarah was the first OTC student to receive this award.

Sarah currently works at Ozarks Technical Community College as a college ambassador and serves as the secretary for the Missouri Federation of College Republicans. In her spare time, Sarah enjoys being with her family and friends, reading the news, and educating herself and others about government and politics. 

Please contact Sarah at sarahbuxton@singlemomzrock.com

The Thankfulness List

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A couple of years ago, I took the November Thanksgiving Challenge…at least that’s what I called it! Basically, you were supposed to post something on Facebook that you were thankful for daily during November. I decided to do this because at the time, I didn’t think I had much to be thankful for. And, I’m going to be honest here! It was hard to do. Everyday I would dread coming up with something to be grateful for. I mean how many times can you be thankful for your kids and your church?

It was a tough time in my life. I was still reeling from my divorce and my two teenagers were still dealing with anger and disappointment. I went from being a housewife to a full-time working mom, going to college. And, I had joint custody, which meant we rotated holidays. Every-other-Thanksgiving, I didn’t have my kids.

               Even years – Dad

               Odd years – Mom

It just wasn’t the same for me, or for my family, without the boys to cook for and play games with.

But, I knew I had to find some thankfulness somewhere! I could feel myself becoming hard. You know that feeling, don’t you?

“Don’t you dare cry, Gwen! Don’t you do it! Don’t let him see that this bothers you. Act like it’s no big deal. Shrug your shoulders.”

But, all that did was take its toll on my heart. My emotions were a part of me. Emotions are God-given and I was burying them, deep down.

I knew something needed to give. So, I decided to be thankful every day for 30 days. But, soon, the general things that makes everyone’s list, came to an end. And I still had a couple of weeks to go. Literally one night, I fell on my needs. “Father, help me! Help me find things to be grateful for. I don’t just want things to post on Facebook. I want to stop myself from becoming hardened by the tough things. I need help!”

And, just like a true daddy, He came through. Each day, I started seeing things in a different light.

That big house I had to clean made room for my kids and their friends to hang out in.

I always had the ingredients to make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for the boys.

We had warm clothes for the winter.

I had a paid off car.

I had a good job, that allowed me to take care of my kids and go to school.

I was even grateful my kids had their dad in their life – because some kids don’t.

Basically, I’ll the things I took for granted were the things I became the most grateful for! All that laundry, meant we had clothes. All that cooking meant we had food. All the tired nights meant we were living life all day.

But, the thing I became most grateful about was how my Daddy God came through. All I had to do was ask!

I’m not sure if you’re supposed to have a favorite book in the Bible, but mine is Ephesians.

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” (Ephesians 1:5, NLT)

I read that verse and I realize that even if our natural family disintegrates, we have a Father who decided we were good enough to send His Son to die for us, just so we could spend eternity with Him! He loves us so much!

As single moms, the dynamics of our holidays may differ. And, I guarantee for every mom that struggles having to share holidays, there are moms who wish they had a day off to sleep. But, no matter what Thanksgiving Day looks like in our homes, we have a Father who is our family. Who loves us and cares for us. Who takes pleasure in us. Who knows exactly what is going on and is there to just hold us and surround us with his Love!

So, get out a piece of paper momma’s. Start writing down things you’re grateful for. And, when you run out of things, ask your Father for a different perspective; a different set of eyes. You’ll never know what you’ll see, or how it could change your entire outlook on life!

Live life on purpose, with purpose, for a purpose!

Gwendolyn Irene

www.gwendolynirene.com